imadinoooorawr

so winter break is just about over for me and it is over for a lot of my friends and i'm kind of at a loss.

i didnt get to see sean, one of the people i thought for sure i was going to see. ive been told just to forget about the whole thing and move on b.c i dont need friends like that, which is true, but this hurts more than i thought it would. i kept hoping he'd pull his head out of his ass and actually replace the plans he ditched out on. i got really close to sean over the past year and a half and i never thought that he just wouldnt hang out with me over winter break.

is there something wrong with me that as soon as one of my guy friends gets a girlfriend that i have to be the one ignored? seriously this isnt the first time this has happened, and it doesnt hurt any less the more it happens. i've gotten over the first situation b.c i personally blew that way out of proportion, but this time is just unacceptable. sean was the person i would vent to the most about the other situation and for him to turn around and do the same thing hurts a lot. and im just really confused.

im just surprised at how people change i guess or maybe im just overreacting again. i dont have that many friends left at home b.c i didnt have that many to begin with, and with all of my drama at school with my first roommate, i dont have a good group of friends at school either and i just feel caught between two places without a net to catch me if i fall.

i love drake, no doubt about that, i just want to have a solid group of friends that i can count on and i dont have that at school or home. i pretty much have one friend at home that i can usually count on and if it came down to hanging out with me or a boy im pretty sure i would lose.

i'm tired of being a pushover.

Current Music: the maine

mmmmmmmmmmm summer! i love it!

this weekend pretty much kicked major ass. it was so much fun

sitting at the beach was one of the best parts for real

im gonna miss sean... like a lot

i dont even know what to say

ive never felt this way before, im happy that im going to college, scared that im going to college, sad that im out of high school, upset because of something non school related, annoyed that my last day wasnt good enough, weirded out that im 18 and going to be on my own in three months and confused at the same time

i hate mixed emotions

i hate not being able to tell anyone all of this

i hate being told to keep trying when there is not point

i hate that i dont have any confidence

i hate that i have to grow up

i hate that im so upset

i hate feeling like this

i just want to be left alone

Current Mood: see above
Current Music: blissful silence

you just dont get it! we had our huge fight like forever ago and guess what we still havent done, guess who still hasnt received a call, guess who is getting really, really frustrated

its not about the tickets

its about your complete lack of realization that your life doesnt consist of one other person

its about us not really having any sort of friendship outside of being cordial to one another during school

its about me being forgotten and left behind

its not about the tickets

Current Mood: frustrated

last night was on of the best night of my life.. it was really amazing! i just need to figure out if i really like him or if it was just b.c of the night..but if i do it would be bad because he's going to the philipenes for a month and that would suck

ahh boys

whatever, i had such a good time last night that it doesnt even matter..he should have stayed though, i know he could have because his mom said so when she was at my house..but it was still alot of fun..way worth the limo drama

im just so happy right now

Current Mood: happy

wow, i only five more weeks left in the four years that were supposed to be the best years of my life. five weeks left in the ONE YEAR that was supposed to be the most fun of them all. ive been thinking about high school a lot lately, mostly about what i have and havent done. i havent really done much of anything, i havent made that much of an impact on my class, i wont be one of those people will always remember for good or bad. honestly, if i go to any of the reunions people will most likely say "who is that?! what did she ever do in high school" i used to think that wasnt a big deal, but i kind of is. what is the point of doing anything if you arent going to make an impact and affect people in some sort of way. i guess the most important thing ive done in high school would be...i guess find something that i really love-music. before high school i was caught up in over played radio cuts that didnt mean anything to me, but now music practically controls my life.

senior year has really not been all that great, it actually started out pretty shitty, i didnt have any real friends. not to keep bringing it up, but honestly what mark did was really shitty, im over it though, there is no point in living in the past and i really think that ive given him enough crap about it to get my point across. amanda couldnt have cared less about our friendship, i never got to see michelle except for once a week for like two minutes and i wasnt close with michele and kate at that point. second semester has definately been way better that first, i actually have friends i can count on-well most of the time. even tho mark still hasnt called me to just talk this whole entire year-its true, but i guess it works both ways, i havent called him either-but i told him i wouldnt, that was part of the one more chance. whatever, this time next year it wont matter anymore, this time two months from now it wont even matter.

i need to get out of my house, i cannot live with my sister anymore, like at all. she is just the biggest bitch in the whole world, she makes an effort to piss me off. i really believe she goes to bed at night thinking of ways to piss me off even more. this past week i mistakenly had both of the keys to my car when my mom really needed one of them in order to bring me the car, it was an honest mistake and everyone knew that, except for miss bitch. on friday she took and hid my parking pass so that i wouldnt be able to drive to school that day, well it didnt work and it just gave my mom an excuse to bitch her out. and then off course my sister made up dumb things to say to my mom to make her mad at me, but that didnt work. all my mom did was tell me to try and keep the bathroom a little neater for sarah-i dont really understand how the cleanliness of the bathroom compares to hiding my parking pass that i payed a crapload of money for! oh-and the whole reason she did that was because apparently i the 'privileged child' my parents give me more things and sooner than they did with my two eldest sisters. admittedly i have been given more opportunities and i have been treated differently than my sisters. they had to find rides their junior and senior years, or had to take the bus and i got to drive the second semester of my senior year, denise had to wait until her junior year to take drivers ed because of her birthday, and i took it sophomore year, but my birthday is in december, not june! i shouldnt be restricted because of my sisters birthday. i dunno this is a really big tangent for really unimportant crap

im tired and still have to read 17 pages of cry the beloved country to meet my goal for today...night!

shit i have math homework to do to..ill do it in the morning, im tired!

Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: mayday parade

i wish i could be one of those people that says that they have best friends in the world but i cant, my friends pretty much suck

the only ones i can count on are reema and michelle and sean

amanda cant seem to shut up about her dumb job enough to even give me the chance to tell her about my college visit, mark doenst even talk to me, bryan is too busy giving annie hickies, michele is off with kate and fish, and i prefer not to hang out with them, and then there is the issue of not having any more friends

i cant wait for highschool to be over

i should have graduated early, i should have stuck to being the shy one who always got straight a's, i should have never worried about impressing people, it still didnt work

i never have time to practice my guitar, i suck at it and i feel like im wasting my money and gregs time

everytime i turn around i get called a spoiled bitch by my family, my sister needs to go back to western, i cant handle her here

i have no one to vent to b.c my friends all suck major ass

fuck it

i wanna know where im going to college. bowling green was a bust, i dont want to go to isu, i just cant get over the stigma of it being a dumb state school, sorry, i cant afford bradley and drake is so far away

i hate the feeling of letting people down

and i HATE being around these dumb fucking ap kids, im done. god, seriously, no one gave us rights to be like god just because we seem to achieve more.

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later I get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
The truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realized nothings broken
No need to worry about everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction
I loved you once needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you (I'll always have you)

Sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could stop
Admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I've gotta be strong and leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothings broken
No need to worry about everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction
I loved you once needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you (I'll always have you)

If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me in you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do, oh

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothings broken (yeah)
No need to worry about everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction (don't look back)
I loved you once needed protection (no, no)
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

I can't waste time so give it a moment (i can't waste time)
I realized nothings broken
No need to worry about everything I've done (no need to worry)
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction (don't you ever look back)
I loved you once needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

I can't waste time so give it a moment (i can't waste time)
I realized nothings broken
No need to worry about everything I've done (no need to worry)
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction (don't you ever look back)
I loved you once needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you

Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you

Current Mood: gloomy

im so excited to be passing out my invites for my eighteenth birthday party tomorrow! woot woot

gilligans island costume party-pretty freaking sweet eh?

im glad that im going to have a really awesome group of awesome friends there

i have no focus, i have been trying to finish my english assignment for the past hour, but i just cant keep my mind from wandering

i guess as long as i keep focusing on the party it should be ok

Current Mood: relieved
Current Music: all time low-the beach

i am so boreddd

so i might actually start using this thing, i only have one friend on it, and thus that leaves me to talk about pretty much anything, and if i dont want you to know... ill hide it! woot

last night was fun! we finally had mark and laured time, kinda missed that. i have a feeling we wont get much of that once speech meets start again. oh well, i'm glad we got last night.

i really need a new job.. like now